Be good to yourself 🙏

 They told us and taught us to be obedient and good. I’m not sure anyone ever truly explained what that even means. I have the feeling that we, as children, learning from the examples of the people closest to us — and later, from society as a whole — mostly understood “being good” as doing favors for others at the expense of ourselves, giving endlessly, never asking or receiving, staying quiet and enduring whatever life throws at us. Because that's what we witnessed most often, and what was also expected of us.

Many of us learned it under threats of punishment, beatings, restrictions — which planted a seed of self-blame, guilt, and not-enoughness deep within.

As if martyrdom and suffering were some form of virtue or gratitude.

Because if you complain — you're ungrateful. And if you're ungrateful — then you're “bad.”

Something like that…

Still, with all my being, I believe that what they actually wanted to say was “Respect others and do good deeds,” but from their own confusion and fears, they didn’t know how to translate that good intention into the right words — and there is no blame in that.

I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of understanding for people. I’m not critical or judgmental by nature, and if I ever was, that changed because life showed me that all those harsh thoughts harm only me and have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

Today, in an autumn challenge I’m taking part in, we were given a task to pay attention to the thoughts and words we direct at others — and every time we start riding the wave of criticism, we should catch ourselves and step out of that movie.

However, although I don’t spend much time thinking about other people’s choices or lives (unless it holds some higher meaning), there is still one person I can absolutely roast with criticism and cynicism.

And that person… is me.

My attention and focus aren’t on other people’s lives — they are entirely on my own — but in that space, especially before, I often, very often, used to be brutally harsh on myself, pushing myself into deep sadness and frustration.

You see, many of us have that one inner part that desperately longs to be acknowledged. And when it doesn’t receive that inner recognition, it restlessly seeks it outside, as proof of its value and purpose of existence.

When the outer world also fails to reflect that back, it collapses into the despair of meaninglessness and victimhood.

It gets angry at the whole world — at itself, other people, Life, and even God.

It argues with itself, throws tantrums, and constantly screams:

“WHY?!

Why do I have to suffer?

Why is it always hard for me?

Isn’t there an easier way?

Why am I so stupid that I can’t see it?

Maybe I really am worthless and nobody needs me…

If I disappeared, probably no one would even notice, because no one pays attention to me anyway.

Why does nothing I achieve, know, or create seem to matter?

Do I really have nothing beautiful to offer this world?

I want to contribute — but to whom, when no one wants me?

I must have taken the wrong turn again…

I’m tired… My head is buzzing… Everything’s chaotic…

Let me out, let me out, LET ME OUT!

God, are you mocking me?

And where are all those spiritual guides, angels, teachers, and dragons when I need them?

Why isn’t my Higher Self here for me?

Why can’t I feel it?

They say ask and you shall receive, but my signs aren’t arriving…

Am I blind? Am I deaf?

Why is my heart silent even when I quiet my mind?

Is the world collapsing again?

What is this?

Does this ever end?!

Help meeeee!!”

Ah yes — that’s what the drama in my head looked like when it was taken over by the inner screaming child, the one I believed my whole life to be my engine and strength. And it’s not that it isn’t — it absolutely has potential — but its shadow is intense and demanding.

A child who doesn’t know what the world wants from it, yet feels enormous pressure of expectations, while on the other hand, nothing it does ever seems enough.

The inner adult, in moments like these, simply doesn’t have the capacity to hold the intensity of that child — which creates a serious internal conflict that triggers deep fear.

Things are both more complex and simpler than they appear.

For a child to truly be a child, it needs to feel safe, loved, protected — with its needs met.

For a parent to respond to a child’s needs, the parent must feel empowered, stable, and cared for.

To feel that way, the parent’s own basic needs must be met — to be rested, fed, hydrated, safe.

And voilà — here is the point:

A sense of safety and having basic physical needs met is enough for capacity to grow.

When our basic needs are neglected, there is no foundation.

Our system doesn’t feel safe and redirects all its resources toward protection, believing it is threatened.

Our cognitive abilities decline, emotional intelligence narrows, and the focus becomes survival.

And who, in survival mode, has the energy or “time” for softness, creativity, play, inspiration, and creation?

Now, an important thing:

If our nervous system is used to survival and “danger,” even when our basic needs are met, it doesn’t allow itself to relax.

It stays tense because uncertainty feels constant — worrying, overthinking, expecting the worst.

It doesn’t even register that we are safe.

It fights a war alone, not realizing the war ended long ago.

So what’s the solution?

Awareness.

Showing it that we are safe instead of becoming victims of its unconscious panic.

How?

By bringing it back into reality through gratitude.

When the hamster starts running in the wheel — we stop the wheel, return to the body, ask ourselves:

Am I tired?

Am I hungry?

Am I thirsty?

What do I need right now?

We thank ourselves for everything we have, everything we can do for ourselves.

We feel that we are safe.

That we are our own friend — not our enemy.

We bring awareness back to what is actually important right now.

Knowing everything is okay.

There is no danger.

Realizing this inner dynamic, I understood that only I can resolve this.

So I decided to flip the script and speak to myself only with love, softness, and kindness — exactly the way I would speak to any other living being.

It takes practice for the mind to learn a new storyline, but it works.

When frustration arises — because of course it does, we’re human — the point is to pause, breathe deeply, stop the hamster, return to the body, and instead of criticism, ask:

“What do you need right now?”

Not “What do you want?”

But “What do you need?”

And then give that to yourself.

Because that is how you are good to yourself — and from that place, even better to others and to the World. :)

What kind of relationship with yourself are you choosing today?

Until the next reading, I’m sending you a hug,

Iskra✨